It’s surprising to me to write this, but I just learned how to shift my nervous system pretty reliably into relaxation mode (parasympathetic nervous system stimulation, to use a term I’m not really qualified to use). It’s surprising because I’ve been intensely interested in and actively seeking this kind of understanding for decades. I practice yoga daily. I read and absorb all kinds of information about neurology and mindfulness. Maybe I’m just slow. It’s also surprising because it’s so easy, it turns out. It also came just in the nick of time – more about that later. And it poses new, interesting questions – more about those later, too.
I have experienced real growth through my years of work. In addition to decades of dedicated yoga study and practice, I have found and used valuable, healthy coping methods – talk therapy, taking a larger perspective, learning to accept my and other people’s frailties, exercise, talking with supportive people, (including skilled therapists – I’m a big fan). Those are still the bedrock of my overall health. But in a panicky pinch, this is a beautifully efficient way to work – so much so that it changes the game. It’s like I’ve been sawing boards with a handsaw for years and someone just gave me a table saw. I can do so much more now.
So what exactly did I learn (that probably everyone else but me knows already)? I have found that, even if my mind is racing – even if I’m feeling miserable, I can slow my breath for just a few breaths – maybe five or six really slow breaths – and my system shifts over from fully stressed to relaxation mode. Before this skill became available, I would try and try to relax, but I couldn’t, because of the strong emotions roiling my insides. I would try to think my way out of it, distract myself, go for a walk, just keep looking for things to do until my mood shifted. Now, I just take those few breaths and my whole system goes “ahhhhh.”
Then what happens? Okay, usually, the feelings of panic come right back – not great, I know. I get into that blissful state and then lose focus on the breath, and next thing I know, my mind is looping on my anxious thoughts again and I’m back in discomfort – sour gut, prickly constricted chest, inner turmoil, emotional pain. But, five more breaths and “ahhhh.” Repeat.
This wonderful development came courtesy of a yoga philosophy workshop. I have to thank Rosa Santana for hosting Edwin Bryant. I started using a mantra Edwin taught in a workshop. I was using the mantra to calm myself, to give me something else on which to focus, but I also started breathing with the mantra, which slowed my breath and helped me keep it slow for the few breaths it took. I was able to observe the shift – I think that’s the key. The mantra is incredibly helpful – I use it all the time – but it’s the slow breath that brings about the change in the nervous system. I’m not saying what my mantra is; it doesn’t matter. It just has to be something useful that can be repeated, doesn’t get the anxious brain going, and helps to maintain focus. The one I use is a common devotional mantra, but you could just repeat any soothing word. If you do groups of three repetitions, you can keep track of the timing without counting, (which a polysyllabic mantra would also help you do, as mine does).
What? Slow breathing with a mantra is helpful? That’s your revelation? Are you kidding? I learned that decades ago. This is my dialogue with myself and you can tell me the same. I did learn this decades ago. I read it. I took it seriously. I believed in it. It just never worked quite like this before. I would use breathing to get into a relaxed state when unable to sleep. It often didn’t get me all the way to sleep, but helped me pass sleepless hours more pleasantly. I just didn’t realize how I could use slow-breath-induced relaxation when upset and I didn’t get the shift of the nervous system as clearly. I think I tried to get my brain to slow down before getting into deep breathing, or because I didn’t notice the nervous system shift as clearly as I do now, when my mind started racing again, I didn’t realize the value of that little pause, I just noticed that I was still in distress.
Why is this wonderful development just in time? With perimenopause and now menopause, I am noticing that I get more upset, more often. There’s also the global pandemic, racist violence and contentious political divide. Anyhoo, these days I get way more upset with less provocation. Things upset me so much I can’t think clearly. Things that used to just be challenging now knock me for a loop. I’m so grateful to have the power of this pause and that I can keep pausing until the storm is over.
This development isn’t an end; it opens up more questions. The main one on my mind is this: we are subject to all kinds of feelings and habitual, patterned responses. Like something happens and we automatically read it as negative and blame ourselves or we blame someone else and get into a conflict with them. Or we do whatever it is we typically do to make ourselves suffer – transform information into fear, guilt, shame etc. Any progress we can make on lessening, interrupting, and even extinguishing these patterned responses is a great thing for future health and resilience. The secondary effects, like panic, we have to just get through, as far as I can tell. I think of the automatic negative internal response as a cause and the panic as an effect. I don’t know if that’s right, but it is of great interest to me now. How do I get to the underlying response that kicks off the panic – the thing I can heal from to be more resilient and less panicky in the future? Managing the panic is a huge help and makes me believe that I can make progress on the underlying patterns in there, and I’m at work on that from now until the next revelation.
When I was in my twenties, I used to have panic attacks on the subway in New York City. I love riding the subway. But two bouts of walking pneumonia led to asthma, and the fear of not being able to breathe while underground drove my uneasy nervous system into a state of chaos. On a few occasions I saw my vision start to close in and I thought I would pass out. This was extremely surprising to me; I think of myself as more of a bull than a piece of china – I had never thought my system could just overload like that. I keep going, that’s my way. I think of myself as a soothing helper of others rather than a helpee (this is egoic delusion, of course – we are all vulnerable and may need help at any time). Anyway, I instinctively reached for a mental distraction to keep me from freaking out completely. I used counting. I would count to 10 over and over, concentrating, picturing the numbers dancing across my field of vision. Doing that, I could get through the situation and come out on the other side. The more I used that aid and came through, the more confident I became that I could cope and then the less severe the panic attacks became, until they ceased.
Please do not believe that I think everyone with panic attacks or other difficulties can solve them so easily. I had a mild, transitory case. I have many privileges and one is that I have it relatively great, as far as mental health is concerned. And I’m a huge proponent of mental health professionals and services. I was really happy that my counting solution worked, as you can imagine. My success at using my own mind to deescalate and ultimately vanquish the problem gave me confidence that I could help myself and others (I’m a helper, remember?) with bouts of mental anguish. That’s part of what kept me going and searching during this time and that search is what led to the growth I experienced.
Then perimenopause and menopause happened and I suddenly found myself suffering more frequently and intensely. Maybe that’s why I grabbed for the mantra in a way I haven’t before. Hooray for necessity and all that!
BKS Iyengar said we should celebrate even small improvements. This feels like a small and a huge improvement to me and I’m celebrating with gusto and with my mantra.