New Year's Day, New Years Minute

I love new beginnings, so I’m a big fan of starting a new year.  I love the chance to pause and reflect on how I want to grow in the upcoming year, what priorities I want to bring forward, and to seek new inspiration to drive my decision-making. 

I love a clean new calendar. 

This open, reflective, ready state is consistent with the philosophy of yoga and our instruction to maintain a beginner’s mind.  A lesson of yoga is to learn to look at every day as we look at New Year’s day; every minute as a New Year’s minute; new, fresh, open, all possibility and free of judgments. 

Think of the brand-new year – an open calendar, a blank sheet, pure potential. That’s how each minute, really each moment, is to be lived.  Because we are so influenced by our habits of mind, by the fleeting desires of our senses, and by the stories we create from our extremely limited perspective, every judgment, decision, and plan we make instantly binds us to our ignorance – to that which limits us.  This is so frustrating and frustratingly true.  We have learned to navigate the world by creating judgments and a path through them, so we bring all our baggage with us into every action, every interaction. 

There’s that joke that goes, “Lord, I’ve been good so far today.  I haven’t gotten angry at anyone, or lied, or shirked any responsibility, or participated in any drama, or engaged in any harmful behavior.  But Lord, I’m about to get out of bed, have breakfast, and go out into the world and I’m going to need a lot of help to keep this good behavior going.”  This is self-awareness. 

Our patterned thoughts and behavior affect all of our interactions, even our decisions and plans about actions and interactions, AND[1] we still must plan and act.  We can’t avoid it without causing harm and we can’t act without causing harm, if just the harm of deepening the groove of our habits of mind, our self-limiting patterns of thought.  Every day will get written on, just like our calendars will.

For some people, this makes sense and is kind of funny.  Yes, it’s a conundrum.  You just can’t win, haha, good thing I do yoga! 

For others, this kind of catch-22 thinking leads to something like real anxiety, perhaps echoes of growing up in a very critical household.  Being told you can’t do anything right by a lovely authority like yoga philosophy can be quite a blow, since we all come to yoga to heal.  For what it’s worth, by the same token, you can’t really do anything wrong, either.  Is that better or worse?  I think that might sound worse to folks who are already unsettled.  I think it’s helpful to know that if you have a mean inner critic, that’s one of the tendencies to interrupt and transform.  The priority is healing from harm and learning to allow yourself to make mistakes for the sake of growth and progress.  Follow the path that quiets your harsh inner critic and you will be in better shape in many ways.

Prashant Iyengar, the son of BKS Iyengar, gave a wonderful teaching on this.  He said we have to act based on our best understanding today.  And we have to pay close attention to the effects of our actions, so we learn from what we do.  That way, tomorrow we will have more knowledge and sensitivity, and we will realize that we missed something the day before, and that process will continue each day.  He said yoga is a process of disillusionment – freeing ourselves from illusion. 

The big illusion from which we free ourselves by the practice of yoga is that of separation.  We are not separate.  We are part of and connected with everyone and everything.  We have our place in the great scheme of life; we matter.  We matter, not because we are the protagonist, as our ego would like us to believe, but because we are truly interconnected with all of everything and we affect it all with our actions.

So how do we approach each day, each minute as New Year’s day and minute when we have to act and our actions are necessarily influenced by our habits, patterns, limitations and in fact, the actions we take tend to reinforce those tendencies so we get more stuck in the conundrum?

The answer, of course, is yoga.  Think of tadasana, mountain pose – upright standing.  If you work hard to stand up taller, you get tense and your breath doesn’t move as well.  So act; stretch yourself up, and then release tension as much as possible while losing as little of your gained height as possible and repeat.  That tension that comes when we make the effort to stand up tall is our reminder that we are also bringing our tendencies and limitations to all situations.  The release of tension is our way to move into a more open and ready state.  When we release tension, we see how much tension was produced.  We become more familiar with our tendencies and more sensitive to our physical and mental state.  This stretching up and then noticing and releasing tension is a physical practice that works on our bodies, our nervous systems, our emotions, and our minds.  It creates a new pattern.

Similarly, anytime we find ourselves in a challenging situation, we can notice our bodies in contact with the ground and the movement of our breath.  This gives us a nervous-system reset.  This may remind us to pause, ask a question, or reframe the situation so we can be more skillful.  We can work our way to a more consistently ready and open state by practicing being open and ready and taking what comes as an opportunity to practice, observe, and learn. 

Happy New Year!  I wish you happiness, freedom from suffering, progress on your path, and serenity in 2023 and beyond!

[1] See what I did there?  My last newsletter featured an article about using “and” instead of “but.”  This is a great example!  Both conditions are true and we can’t choose one or the other.  Find the article on my blog if you are interested

A great daily sequence of poses

Word Yoga: Choose “And” over “But” whenever possible (and it’s possible more than you might think)

You are very observant, but your way of expressing your observations is ineffective.

The dogs need a walk, but it’s raining.

You are very observant, and you can be more effective in how you express your observations.

The dogs need a walk and it’s raining.

One thing I’ve learned over the past few years is to use “and” in place of “but” as often as possible – and it’s possible much more often than I had suspected.  This reframing can be transformational.  I keep noticing thoughtful people substituting “and” for “but” and I want to cheer when they do.

When we use “but” we are trying to create certainty and exclusion.  We are constructing duality (not this, but that). The word “but” brings up or represents internal resistance, a little wall between thoughts.

When we use “and” we are willing to reach for growth and inclusion.  We are stepping outside the duality (hot vs. cold, happy vs. sad) that leads to suffering.  We are letting down internal resistance to the conditions we observe.  We are tolerating the discomfort of allowing two thoughts to coexist at the same time, not requiring that it be one or the other.

The feelings we feel when using the two words are completely different.  Think of someone you love who has a quality that grates on you.  We notice the people nearest us with the closest attention, so it shouldn’t be hard.

If you say, “Aunt Elaine is the soul of kindness; she has done me and many others a world of good, but she has terrible judgement in friends and is an awful driver;” that “but” pretty much cancels out the first sentiment; Aunt Elaine has had a real positive effect on people, but who cares? Let’s examine her flaws. 

On the other hand, if you say “Aunt Elaine is the soul of kindness; she has done me and many others a world of good, and she has terrible judgement in friends and is an awful driver;” that changes the whole tone.  Now, her positive characteristics and her personal challenges are more balanced.  They co-exist.  There’s more compassion in that sentence and maybe more of a willingness to help and support Aunt Elaine, rather than just judge her.  Maybe the story of her terrible judgment is not a complete story, maybe her driving isn’t even as bad as we like to imagine.  The openness of using “and” invites more examination of Aunt Elaine, and possibly the speaker’s intentions, as well.

Even the sounds of the words have such a different quality – you can imagine spluttering “but, but, but…” while preparing to fend off some unwanted information.  You might be spluttering in defense of your use of “but” right now… 

“And” is an open-mouth word, with softer consonants, more exhalation, more room for pause and contemplation.  More heart.  “And” is found in the word “Ānanda,” (it’s contained within the particle “nanda”), which means bliss.

“But” means disagreement; “and” implies agreement. 

“Yes, and” is a cardinal rule of improv – an improviser must accept whatever a fellow improviser offers and build on it.  Here’s a little piece about it and how it is used in business and other organizations to brainstorm and build relationships.

“But” is all puritanical fear and control.  “And” is a celebration of life.  “But” is bitter.  “And” is sweet and creamy.  “But” leads to pouting.  “And” leads to laughter.  “Your car was just towed.” “But it’s my birthday!” or “Your car was just towed.” “And it’s my birthday!”

“And” is particularly helpful when dealing with change and difficult topics.  We might notice that old ways of doing things have value and they are problematic.  “And” is very useful here.  For example, consider the sentence:

            “I’d like to be inclusive and use people’s preferred pronouns, but it’s not grammatically correct to say “they” when referring to an individual.”  Case closed, mind closed. Crankiness sets in.

Versus:

            “I’d like to be inclusive and use people’s preferred pronouns, and I’m struggling with using words differently than how I was taught to use them.”

Notice that using “and” encourages more reflection. It’s not just that using “they/them” for an individual is grammatically incorrect, according to an imaginary God-of-language-rules-that-never-change; “and” encourages an acknowledgement that it’s a struggle for the speaker to deal with change, even though we know that language changes over time.  We just resist having it changed when it’s inconvenient or noticeably for the benefit of someone who isn’t us.  Here is one article about changes to the English language over time. 

And…”but” has its uses.  It can be used to add a crystalline clarity to a pointed sentence.  Sometimes we want to pierce our ignorance, our inattentiveness.  “We know we have to change our ways to make things better, but we become brittle when inconvenienced and don’t give change a chance.”  That pointed quality can be helpful… in small doses.  And and and, most of us suffer and cause suffering from using “but” too often, so this article is about the intentional use of “and” instead.  Go forth, joyfully embracing “and!”  Go overboard, be messy, make mistakes!  Examine whether and how applying more “and” can make your life and relationships better!

More reading:

Here's another article on the same topic.

Supported chest opening over bricks

I have spent lots of time lying over bricks! It has made a huge difference in the mobility of my upper spine. Pressing your legs down creates more space and freedom in the spine, as it does in standing poses. Good practice here, because you can press the whole back of your leg down!

At first, I needed extra head support, because my back would not arch over the brick between my shoulder blades. Your neck should not feel jammed or uncomfortable and no dizziness - take what head support you need until you develop the ability to arch back. Some may need to start on a lower brick. Keep the brick between your shoulderblades - not under the waist or lower back.

If you have a few minutes and this prop:

This is a yoga staff or dowel. It’s really an old hanging rod from a closet. A curtain rod or broomstick will work well, too.

Tadasana with a dowel - stand up tall and take the shoulders back. Press the dowel into the back ribs. Keep the shoulders back and the backs of the upper arms moving down. Keep the sides of the waist back, so the low back doesn’t pop in - keep it tall.

Brand new old information

It’s surprising to me to write this, but I just learned how to shift my nervous system pretty reliably into relaxation mode (parasympathetic nervous system stimulation, to use a term I’m not really qualified to use).  It’s surprising because I’ve been intensely interested in and actively seeking this kind of understanding for decades.  I practice yoga daily.  I read and absorb all kinds of information about neurology and mindfulness.  Maybe I’m just slow.  It’s also surprising because it’s so easy, it turns out.  It also came just in the nick of time – more about that later.  And it poses new, interesting questions – more about those later, too.

I have experienced real growth through my years of work.  In addition to decades of dedicated yoga study and practice, I have found and used valuable, healthy coping methods – talk therapy, taking a larger perspective, learning to accept my and other people’s frailties, exercise, talking with supportive people, (including skilled therapists – I’m a big fan).  Those are still the bedrock of my overall health.  But in a panicky pinch, this is a beautifully efficient way to work – so much so that it changes the game.  It’s like I’ve been sawing boards with a handsaw for years and someone just gave me a table saw.  I can do so much more now.

So what exactly did I learn (that probably everyone else but me knows already)? I have found that, even if my mind is racing – even if I’m feeling miserable, I can slow my breath for just a few breaths – maybe five or six really slow breaths – and my system shifts over from fully stressed to relaxation mode.  Before this skill became available, I would try and try to relax, but I couldn’t, because of the strong emotions roiling my insides.  I would try to think my way out of it, distract myself, go for a walk, just keep looking for things to do until my mood shifted.  Now, I just take those few breaths and my whole system goes “ahhhhh.”

Then what happens?  Okay, usually, the feelings of panic come right back – not great, I know.  I get into that blissful state and then lose focus on the breath, and next thing I know, my mind is looping on my anxious thoughts again and I’m back in discomfort – sour gut, prickly constricted chest, inner turmoil, emotional pain.  But, five more breaths and “ahhhh.”  Repeat. 

This wonderful development came courtesy of a yoga philosophy workshop.  I have to thank Rosa Santana for hosting Edwin Bryant.  I started using a mantra Edwin taught in a workshop.  I was using the mantra to calm myself, to give me something else on which to focus, but I also started breathing with the mantra, which slowed my breath and helped me keep it slow for the few breaths it took.  I was able to observe the shift – I think that’s the key.  The mantra is incredibly helpful – I use it all the time – but it’s the slow breath that brings about the change in the nervous system.  I’m not saying what my mantra is; it doesn’t matter.  It just has to be something useful that can be repeated, doesn’t get the anxious brain going, and helps to maintain focus.  The one I use is a common devotional mantra, but you could just repeat any soothing word.  If you do groups of three repetitions, you can keep track of the timing without counting, (which a polysyllabic mantra would also help you do, as mine does).

What?  Slow breathing with a mantra is helpful?  That’s your revelation? Are you kidding?  I learned that decades ago.  This is my dialogue with myself and you can tell me the same.  I did learn this decades ago.  I read it.  I took it seriously.  I believed in it.  It just never worked quite like this before.  I would use breathing to get into a relaxed state when unable to sleep.  It often didn’t get me all the way to sleep, but helped me pass sleepless hours more pleasantly.  I just didn’t realize how I could use slow-breath-induced relaxation when upset and I didn’t get the shift of the nervous system as clearly.  I think I tried to get my brain to slow down before getting into deep breathing, or because I didn’t notice the nervous system shift as clearly as I do now, when my mind started racing again, I didn’t realize the value of that little pause, I just noticed that I was still in distress.

Why is this wonderful development just in time?  With perimenopause and now menopause, I am noticing that I get more upset, more often.  There’s also the global pandemic, racist violence and contentious political divide. Anyhoo, these days I get way more upset with less provocation.  Things upset me so much I can’t think clearly.  Things that used to just be challenging now knock me for a loop.  I’m so grateful to have the power of this pause and that I can keep pausing until the storm is over.

This development isn’t an end; it opens up more questions.  The main one on my mind is this: we are subject to all kinds of feelings and habitual, patterned responses.  Like something happens and we automatically read it as negative and blame ourselves or we blame someone else and get into a conflict with them.  Or we do whatever it is we typically do to make ourselves suffer – transform information into fear, guilt, shame etc.  Any progress we can make on lessening, interrupting, and even extinguishing these patterned responses is a great thing for future health and resilience.  The secondary effects, like panic, we have to just get through, as far as I can tell.  I think of the automatic negative internal response as a cause and the panic as an effect.  I don’t know if that’s right, but it is of great interest to me now.  How do I get to the underlying response that kicks off the panic – the thing I can heal from to be more resilient and less panicky in the future?  Managing the panic is a huge help and makes me believe that I can make progress on the underlying patterns in there, and I’m at work on that from now until the next revelation.

When I was in my twenties, I used to have panic attacks on the subway in New York City.  I love riding the subway.  But two bouts of walking pneumonia led to asthma, and the fear of not being able to breathe while underground drove my uneasy nervous system into a state of chaos.  On a few occasions I saw my vision start to close in and I thought I would pass out.  This was extremely surprising to me; I think of myself as more of a bull than a piece of china – I had never thought my system could just overload like that.  I keep going, that’s my way.  I think of myself as a soothing helper of others rather than a helpee (this is egoic delusion, of course – we are all vulnerable and may need help at any time).  Anyway, I instinctively reached for a mental distraction to keep me from freaking out completely.  I used counting.  I would count to 10 over and over, concentrating, picturing the numbers dancing across my field of vision.  Doing that, I could get through the situation and come out on the other side.  The more I used that aid and came through, the more confident I became that I could cope and then the less severe the panic attacks became, until they ceased. 

Please do not believe that I think everyone with panic attacks or other difficulties can solve them so easily.  I had a mild, transitory case.  I have many privileges and one is that I have it relatively great, as far as mental health is concerned. And I’m a huge proponent of mental health professionals and services. I was really happy that my counting solution worked, as you can imagine.  My success at using my own mind to deescalate and ultimately vanquish the problem gave me confidence that I could help myself and others (I’m a helper, remember?) with bouts of mental anguish.  That’s part of what kept me going and searching during this time and that search is what led to the growth I experienced.

Then perimenopause and menopause happened and I suddenly found myself suffering more frequently and intensely.  Maybe that’s why I grabbed for the mantra in a way I haven’t before.  Hooray for necessity and all that!

BKS Iyengar said we should celebrate even small improvements.  This feels like a small and a huge improvement to me and I’m celebrating with gusto and with my mantra.

Warrior 2 and Triangle pose with front foot on a block

We did these versions of warrior 2 and triangle in the gentle/back care class. Having the front foot elevated makes the back leg work more which creates more uplift in and support for the spine.

Set up for the beginning of back care/gentle yoga

You need this class! This is how we begin the Wednesday back care/gentle yoga class. The hard massage balls go under the calf muscles (I have lacrosse balls; you can use tennis balls, massage balls, dryer balls, apples - whatever you’ve got!).

Level 1 Poses with English and Sanskrit Names

I created this stick figure sequence so that students could practice the poses and learn the Sanskrit names if they wish.

Relief for low-back and hip tightness

I love this brain-quieting, all-purpose, restorative stretch to create space in the back and provide relief for hip tightness and really, tightness in general. Spending 1-10 minutes like this will do tremendous good, unless it causes sharp pain anywhere. For really tight hamstrings, it can be done with the knees slightly bent. Taking the feet wider may allow the legs to stretch, but not for everyone all the time.

Zoom on over!

During this challenging time, teaching live classes over Zoom, a streaming service that allows me to see and teach my students in real time, has been a source of tremendous joy. Students gather from around the country and sometimes from around the world and we are together during class. Although I can’t see the details I would be able to see in an in-person class, I can see more than one might think and offer individual suggestions and help. I’m thrilled that my regular students have made the jump to streaming classes and I’ve gotten to spend time with students new to Unity Woods and those who’ve been able to come to class even though they’ve moved away. Click here to register.

Megan Unleashed! Or...

I recently traveled to Copenhagen, Denmark for a six-day workshop with the amazing Patricia Walden. While I was there, I had a breakthrough in my thinking about my practice. I love my practice, but sometimes feel a little oppressed by my limitations and the need to spend much precious practice time working to open tight parts.

My menstrual cycle started the same day I arrived in Copenhagen, so the first day of the workshop was day 2 of my cycle. As a result, for the first few days of the workshop, I followed a modified program. As I watched other people do visvamitrasana and other exciting, action-packed poses, I resolved (for maybe the 8000th time since I started practicing), “this is it; once I finish my cycle, I’m going to apply myself with new vigor to my practice. It’s going to be Megan Unleashed!” Throughout the next day or two, I kept looking forward to the "Megan Unleashed!" phase of my life - it was going to be so great.

After a few days, my cycle wound down and I started doing the poses with the group. Backbending was great. I didn’t feel particularly leashed. Then we started doing eka pada adho mukha svanasana, urdhva prasarita eka padasana, and utthita hasta padangusthasana. What an awakening! I didn’t feel as much leashed as encased in cement - my body was so heavy and immobile. I had to laugh at myself - at my delusion - there was no leash to snap off - there was a weight greater than what I could lift. I felt frustration rising - how was I going to generate the enthusiasm to work while feeling squashed under my own weight? When I try to lift my leg in utthita hasta padangusthasana, it weighs a ton. Nothing moves, except my heart, which sinks. That’s when I usually decide to try to get around the immobility in my practice - go back to slow patient stretching; do poses to keep strengthening the front thigh muscles; keep trying to analyze and root out causes, like imbalances. Maybe I can’t move because I’m stuck somewhere. So much for Megan Unleashed! - back to Megan Plodding - boo hoo.

But then I had a flash. That’s when I realized that it’s not going to be like a training montage from a movie, where I start weak and dejected and then start jumping rope and going for early morning runs and then end up running up a huge set of steps victoriously. It’s not the body, but the mind that I have to unleash - from that frustrating feeling of being encased in a cement-like body. If I can work with my mind, I can spend the time I need. I can get stronger by staying cheerful in that moment of heaviness. I can unleash myself, but it has to be an inner unleashing. I have to work with cheerful inner vigor and cultivate disinterest in the fruits of my labor.

A poem about Geeta Iyengar by Hong Kwi-Seok

Geetaji: Rest in Power

that teacher who sees right through you

that teacher who is both your mother and your father

that teacher who will not take no for an answer

that teacher who spins on her heel to pierce you

that teacher who will not let you bow to her

that teacher whose gaze is so intense you dare not meet her eyes

that teacher who terrifies you

that teacher who checks your fingernails

that teacher for whom you travel halfway around the planet

that teacher who brings you to your knees

that teacher who brings you to tears

that teacher who makes you do

that teacher who makes you see who makes you see who makes you see

she doesn’t talk about her limp

she doesn’t talk about her struggles

she doesn’t talk about her cough

she doesn’t talk about her aching heart

she is in pain

she is the daughter

she is always right

she is devastating

she is furious

her fury is that of all brilliant women living in the shadows of great men

she says: “who is your teacher?”

she says: “you can carry a candle and light the way for yourself or you can carry a torch and take ten people with you”

she says: “do or die”

she says: “I can’t breathe”

she says: “I definitely love you”

I bow to her

I breathe for her

I bend, twist, invert and prostrate for her

I weep

not for her

but for my own loss

she soars

she spreads her magnificence over us all

she is glowing in her guruji's light

she is liberated into the eternal infinite